What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if only i could text you this smell
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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