I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
