Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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