just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i will never coherently bang her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
