2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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