So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
