I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
