There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
