Nicole vs. Life
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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