It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
