You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
