ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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