You work out of a Hotel?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
