Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
