forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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