how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
