Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
