Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
