Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Quick, to the slutcave!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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