I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
