Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
