We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
