Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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