I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
