Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
