3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
