Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
