Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
