I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
