it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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