the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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