she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
