guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
