no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
