I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
