You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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