I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize