I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
