It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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