The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
