ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
