Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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