I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
