JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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