Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
