I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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