I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
