i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
