yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
