Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
